The Saddest NFL Stats Of Week 13
December can mean only one thing for sad team NFL fans. It means you constantly have to look up at playoff seeding and "in the hunt" graphics on your TV while you search for your team's name that will never be found. You might even pause your screen in a moment of true denial to give it one more read. Like holding the "made the basketball team" list posted on the gym door for too long.
Didn't mean for that to get personal. The best you can hope for though is to make the "sniffing around" version, but deep down you know the only sniffing around you'll be doing about now is for dry Thanksgiving leftovers. So give it up. Just stop. Sit down and accept the reality. Your team is sad. That's OK. Many teams are sad. Let's regale how from Week 13.
Sad Stat #1: The Vikings got shut out for the first time since 2007
I guess you should really add a couple other undertakers in there for Carson Wentz and JJ McCarthy, but what an all time spoiled take Kevin O'Connell being some quarterback whisperer is. He still seems like a really good coach to me, but it turns out bad quarterback play can't be covered up just with scheming. 26-0. Only the Steelers (2006) and Ravens (2002) had a longer run of not getting shut out.
Sad Stat #2: Max Brosmer is the first quarterback to throw zero touchdowns and four interceptions in his first start since 1933
If you though Max Brosmer set the NFL back 100 years on Sunday, you'd be wrong. Only 92 years. That was the last time we saw a first start go this poorly. At least for any quarterback in their first game attempting 15 or more passes as I used to look this up. So what happened in 1933? Chris Cagle of the Brooklyn Dodgers and Ed Westfall of the Pittsburgh Pirates were so bad their organizations apparently decided the team is better off playing a different sport.
I don't think we should blame those four interceptions on Max Brosmer though. Those were on "12".
Sad Stat #3: Better luck next year???
I feel for Minnesota fans. Something about them getting their hopes up only to get disappointed seems intentful. They might be the Chargers of the NFC.
Sad Stat #4 (points or less): The Cardinals are now one game away from the 1984 Cleveland Browns for most games lost by four-points or less
50 was probably an unnecessarily number of teams to make you scroll through, but we needed it for effect. If anyone from Draft Kings is reading this do the right thing and let us bet on the Cardinals breaking the record and getting nine. That would be such a fun stupid thing to root for.
Sad Stat #5 Shedeur Sanders logged the first run on 4th and 26 or greater out of 63 qualifying plays since 1999
I guess Shedeur really is an against all odds guy as every other 4th and 26 or longer I found where a team went for it resulted in a pass attempt or sack/fumble. He did need this though for the stats. I'm old enough to remember when he purposefully threw a ball out of bounds a week or two ago to kill a few seconds before half-time which falsely skewed his passing numbers. So why not erase another incomplete by just not trying on 4th and 26? I think that's more than fair.
Sad Stat #6: Matt Stafford relapsed into throwing back-to-back interceptions after breaking the record for most touchdowns without one
Not sure what to think of this game for the Rams. It's probably nothing. Stafford seems on his way to the MVP, but it feels like this loss to the Panthers might plant some seed of doubt. I'd still pick them to come out of the NFC at this point, but anything can happen.
Sad Stat #7: The Giants were on pace for scoring 1,200 points in the fourth quarter after converting on the two-point conversion following this touchdown
They would end up scoring just those eight, putting them 1,192 points short of that pace. Look - this was an ugly game for the Giants. Jaxson Dart almost got hit into the 300-level simply because he's too stupid to get out of bounds when he needs to. Dude is a pure bred golden retriever out there. I know this because I have one.
Anyway, here's the logic to this stupid stat. This play took six seconds to run. They scored and got the two afterwards which, of course, takes no game time. With 15 minutes in a quarter, that makes for 900 seconds. 900/6 = 150. So, this play took 150th of the game time in the 4th quarter. Multiply that by the eight points they scored and you get your 1,200. I was tempted to actually run some code and see if there was a quicker score to start a quarter than six seconds. Probably was. But I find this funny because it's the Giants. There's simply no way any team would allow 1,200 points in the 4th quarter. Especially not the New York Giants.
Right, everyone?